Ho Ho Ho

Hello people. For those who read my blog, I’ll like to wish you all a merriest of Christmas. Thank you for putting up with me as a friend or as a deranged ranter during the past year. Love you people and rest assured, you’ll always be in my heart.

Yup, so this is Christmas. And I’m home in front of my computer blogging. What a loser right? Just got home from Guard duty. Guess what? The min I entered the house, I saw a card on the table. Fel has sent me a card. It’s lovely! Really cheered me up a great deal. Enclosed is a ticket to a certain drama production. I think… I might actually go… on Boxing Day.

Anyway, read Sheila’s entry on the 20th of December (you can see it too, just click on her name on the right). Well she was saying how Christmas is creeping up on her with none of the usual holiday warmth, as she’s so busy this year to actually take note of Christmas. (All in one breathe) Well, suddenly realized that I feel very differently towards this year’s Christmas too.

Christmas always gets me up (initially); I’ll be ever so excited. Shopping for gifts, calling people up and hollering “Merry Christmas” in a bid to burst their ear drums, walking down town along to hear, see and taste the season. This will probably last two weeks or so until I come to the week of Christmas itself. Then some how, all these cheer and warmth will simply disappear and a certain void will take over.

You’ll come to a point where you realized that there’s only so much shopping you can do, so much treats you can eat to make you feel Christmassy. At the end of the day, will people remember you? Will your gifts end up in the trash a few years down the road? Somehow, you will end up asking yourself if that’s all to Christmas. Yes yes, there’s the usual “family and close friends” part where you’re supposed to spend “more quality time” with. But still, it’s like this brief moment of closeness that will definitely end like, two weeks? Or even less. Then it’s all back to the usual life that we have normally.

It is this time when there’s this sense of void inside. You yearned for someone special to be there to hold your hand, to tussle your hair. To baby you and to share your mug of hot chocolate with extra marshmallow. Yet, somewhere inside, you know and you’re struggling hard to suppress/ deny the fact that even with someone special, you’ll still feel empty all the same.

There you go! So usually when Christmas nears. I feel this emptiness. This sense of non-being. It is dreadful I tell you.

Yet…

I feel so different this year. Like what I told Michelle, I am actually fearful of the approaching (now approached) Christmas. I dunno why, there’s just this sense of dread and panic. She said it could be due to the fact that I placed too much emphasis on Christmas. You know, to find the perfect gift? To make sure everything goes according to plans? To have lotsa company during Christmas? Some of what she said made sense, but I think (and I don’t do this very often) I think… there’s more to it.
Maybe, I just afraid that it’ll be like all other years. That I’ll have to spend the day alone again. Maybe, I’m just being insecure. Maybe, mike is screaming inside of me, screaming out that he is scared, scared that the world will once again pass him by on this special day without making him part of it.

This sucks! And yea… Merry Christmas!

Ready!

Suddenly it doesn’t really matters but what the heck. I’ve got Fang’s gift ready. And I’m ready for the gift exchange too.

Cleo and Sam

Guess what?!?!?! Samantha made it into this month’s issue of Cleo!!! Yup, the Samantha from first three months. It was a Cleo cover girl contest sponsored by M.A.C. Though she didn’t win and make it onto the cover page, there was still a large picture of her inside. Looking good as usual, though Fel and I agreed that her “before” photo looked better. Sportier. She looked too vinyl and artificial in the magazine. A bit like the Anna Sui “Dollish” models.

Tempted to buy the issue.