Peace

Friday was the first time in months that I had good, uninterrupted, sound, quality sleep. It’s no news that I’ve been plagued by sleep problems. Anyway, Friday night was good, I actually woke up refreshed. First time in months. Usually, I just feel drained and more tired than before I sleep. It was different on Friday.

But it wasn’t that easy. Had the weirdest of dreams…. Still quite spooky if you asked, even to me.

Dreamt that I was switching off the computer after chatting with Sandra and June. As I walked towards the bedroom, I passed by the study. The door was ajar and someone forgot to switch off the light. So naturally, I headed for the switches and went in….

And I saw myself. At my desk. With my back to me. Writing…

And if that wasn’t freaky enough, I remember what I saw as I peeped over my own shoulder. Word by word, it goes….

To whom it may concern,

Please excuse my absence from life. I do not expect anyone’s sorrow for my death. Maybe relief if anything. I can’t describe what mental illness is. I’ve tried and tried with writing and alcohol and loud music and my only conclusion is Satan has taken over my soul and mind.
Please remove my brain and try to find out what’s wrong. Leave me my heart though for I cannot bear to part with it.
To all my relatives and friends. I’m deeply sorry.
Hahaha I’m not sorry. Hahaha.
Fuck you all to Hell!!!

Mike

It was kinda unsettling seeing yourself penning your very own suicide note. Even more so to wake up the morning after, remembering everything. I remember reaching out to shake myself. And just before I made contact, I got yanked out of the room. Picture horizontal reverse bungee, it felt as though I was jerked out of the room by a huge elastic band. And as I flew out, I could see myself, slumping back in my chair, holding the piece of paper, reading it, with a smug, satisfied smirk.

Unnerving.

This is where I conked out for the night. No more dreams, no more tossing and turning. Pure blissful sleep all the way till morning. A first, in many months… Hmm is this the cathartic effect I learnt abt in lit?