Bliss

Had a small short bbq last night. Was supposed to have it at west coast park, but it threatened to rain with the rumbling thunder and looming sky. So mommy rallied help from granny and we shifted everything to granny’s place! Yay!

Felt bad abt disturbing her though. So made sure I cleared the guys out by ten. Sorry people, hope it’s fine. Hahaha.

Plus it was hilarious how we sang the bday song. Happy Birthday Bijun Mike Huiru… All in one breath. Haha, birthdays will never be the same again when u have two other pals sharing it with you. Yup, the two sisters are born on the first of march too!

Spent the afternoon in Clark Quay. Looking for an elusive someone.

Coded.

The Care group got me the hard cover Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown. Muahahaha. Looking forward to reading it.

Blea.

Was bumming at home for the entire day. Got really sick from an allergy reaction. Thank goodness for twenty-four hours clinics. Went down for a jab, which probably saved my puffy face and eyes. Felt like they were going to pop out any moment. Bro said they were bloodshot. Was pretty freaky I tell you. Sudden onset of running nose and blocked air passageways plus the rashes and the puffy face, thought I’m going to pop and die any moment. Damn those abalone. I know… I’m allergic to them, but mommy hid BABY abalone in her cooking. How am I to spot that? Hahah, not blaming her or anything. She probably thinks it’s harmless. Oh well. SWAY.

Got a jab and some antihistamine. Am feeling much better already. The antihistamine had a sedative effect. Slept the best ever in ages. Was telling Felicia that perhaps that I should go get myself an antihistamine addiction. Was comparing nightmare. She said I’m disturbed. (Shall blog it down soon)

Am I?

Steel

Saw a nice pendant at Westmall the other day. at the stall beneath the escalator. It’s a stainless steel crucifix. And it can be taken apart into two different crucifix.
So there’re three methods of wearing it. Hashanah I’m tempted. Pricey. 38 bucks. Oh well shall wait and see.

Oh, I got another voucher. So on top of my 80 bucks Isetan vouchers, I have a 40 bucks Topman voucher now. Peace. Shall do some damage soon.

Palette

Lotsa stuff clashing in my head right now. Shall sort it out before I blog it.

Close-to-complete Ideology and Religion Shit List
God only knows!!?!

* Taoism: Shit happens.
* Confucianism: Confucius says, "Shit happens."
* Buddhism: If shit happens, it isn't really shit.
* Zen Buddhism: Shit is, and is not.
* Zen Buddhism #2: What is the sound of shit happening?
* Hinduism: This shit has happened before.
* Islam: If shit happens, it is the will of Allah.
* Islam #2: If shit happens, kill the person responsible.
* Islam #3: If shit happens, blame Israel.
* Catholicism: If shit happens, you deserve it.
* Protestantism: Let shit happen to someone else.
* Presbyterian: This shit was bound to happen.
* Episcopalian: It's not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve the right wine with it.
* Methodist: It's not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve grape juice with it.
* Congregationalist: Shit that happens to one person is just as good as shit that happens to another.
* Unitarian: Shit that happens to one person is just as bad as shit that happens to another.
* Lutheran: If shit happens, don't talk about it.
* Fundamentalism: If shit happens, you will go to hell, unless you are born again. (Amen!)
* Fundamentalism #2: If shit happens to a televangelist, it's okay.
* Fundamentalism #3: Shit must be born again.
* Judaism: Why does this shit always happen to us?
* Calvinism: Shit happens because you don't work.
* Seventh Day Adventism: No shit shall happen on Saturday.
* Creationism: God made all shit.
* Secular Humanism: Shit evolves.
* Christian Science: When shit happens, don't call a doctor - pray!
* Christian Science #2: Shit happening is all in your mind.
* Unitarianism: Come let us reason together about this shit.
* Quakers: Let us not fight over this shit.
* Utopianism: This shit does not stink.
* Darwinism: This shit was once food.
* Capitalism: That's MY shit.
* Communism: It's everybody's shit.
* Feminism: Men are shit.
* Chauvinism: We may be shit, but you can't live without us...
* Commercialism: Let's package this shit.
* Impressionism: From a distance, shit looks like a garden.
* Idolism: Let's bronze this shit.
* Existentialism: Shit doesn't happen; shit IS.
* Existentialism #2: What is shit, anyway?
* Stoicism: This shit is good for me.
* Hedonism: There is nothing like a good shit happening!
* Mormonism: God sent us this shit.
* Mormonism #2: This shit is going to happen again.
* Wiccan: An it harm none, let shit happen.
* Scientology: If shit happens, see "Dianetics", p.157.
* Jehovah's Witnesses: >Knock< >Knock< Shit happens.
* Jehovah's Witnesses #2: May we have a moment of your time to show you some of our shit?
* Jehovah's Witnesses #3: Shit has been prophesied and is imminent; only the righteous shall survive its happening.
* Moonies: Only really happy shit happens.
* Hare Krishna: Shit happens, rama rama.
* Rastafarianism: Let's smoke this shit!
* Zoroastrianism: Shit happens half on the time.
* Church of SubGenius: BoB shits.
* Practical: Deal with shit one day at a time.
* Agnostic: Shit might have happened; then again, maybe not.
* Agnostic #2: Did someone shit?
* Agnostic #3: What is this shit?
* Satanism: SNEPPAH TIHS.
* Atheism: What shit?
* Atheism #2: I can't believe this shit!
* Nihilism: No shit.
* And of course we must add...Alcoholics Anonymous: Shit happens-one day at a time!

Foie Gras

Felt like a goose after these two days of visiting. My relatives are really a hospitable lot. Kept pushing food my way, somehow the concept of me being full and not hungry doesn’t register with any of them. now I know how the goose felt. Having stuff shoved down their throat.

It’s not pleasant at all.

Irony

As I walked out of my elevator today, I heard this robotic, emotionless, female voice going “ J-A-M. Jam.” Think some child discarded his toy at the lift landing.

Found the situation rather ironic and comedic.

Me! Me! Me!

That’s it, I’m an attention seeker. Like V said,

“You need to be constantly entertained. You can’t sit still and appreciate air.”

That woman, she says the funkiest and most poignant of stuff.

Blues.

Finally worked out what’s bothering me. Rather surprised it took so long, considering it happens on and off. Guess you could call it cyclical depression; it comes on with out any apparent reasons. During which I’ll feel angry, and easily agitated. I’ll feel that I could do with more attention, and for once people can treat me better. And the worst of all? It gets really disappointing when people close to you can’t tell and ironically, it’s people whom you don’t meet regularly (if at all) that could tell that you’re so upset. People whom you only see online, ppl like Mel, Mich and Christine. How? Why? Why is it the ones closer to you, and whom you care so much about are so blind?

Been joking to some that it’s “that time of the month” for Mike.

Sandra says it sounds tiring. It is.

Maybe I cared too much, gave too much of myself to others. Cared a little here, asked a little there, listened a bit more here and it all adds up. You feel empty and drained as it accumulates over time. After a while, it gets back to you with a loud resounding WHAM and you ask yourself why nobody bothers to do the same for you. When you gave so much, the emptiness you feel at the end of it isn’t something you can brush off and recharge with a good night sleep.

Yea, it’s only genuine concern when you don’t expect anything in return you say? Well, when I’m giving, I don’t expect any “repayment”, expecting something back in return is never on my mind. I give because I can, if I can make someone happier, if I can make someone smile a little wider, laugh a little louder, why not? Wanting something back in return is definitely not on my mind. Christine says we’re all human, and it is our nature to want our friends to take the effort to care and bother about you once in a while.

And it is precisely this feeling that I am clueless as to how to deal with. Especially so when it comes at one shot, after it had snowballed and accumulated over time. This expectance of something in return is killing me slowly, eating me from the inside out.

Maybe that’s why every time I hang out with Vania; she says I look bored and tired. Maybe, after spreading the joy and expending my energy all around, I have very few, if any, left for myself. And I withdraw into this solemn and somber shell instinctively. And when these emotions (or lack of it) spill over, I become easily agitated, grouchy and depressed. I become Anal Retentive Mike.

This phase comes and goes but while it is around, it’s highly distracting and disruptive. (Girls, this sounds familiar?)

But I have to give thanks nonetheless for gems that shine in these times. People like Sheila and Christine. Guess what? They didn’t do much. They just listened. Well to be fair, it’s not really the listening part. It sounds a bit psychic, but with these two friends, it’s really special. Met Sheila at Antipodean just a few weeks back, and by simply standing there with her and looking down onto the streets of Holland V, I felt much better already. She had headaches of her own and mine seemed so trivial compared to hers. Naturally, mine wasn’t brought up that often, but somehow…. Just seeing her sorta made it all well again (for a short while). Likewise for Christine, we weren’t talking abt my problem, not trying to make good, not trying to solve the problem, not trying to fix anything. Just chitchatting abt trivial stuff like Chinese New Year shopping, school and stuff like that. I can’t remember what we talked abt too, if you ask for details now… but somehow, these two person whom I rarely see always manage to make me feel better. Simply by… being there.

Perhaps, it's the positive CHAKRA they emit.

Disarmed

How in the world do you react when you asked someone out for dinner on Vday and she goes,

“For what?”

I was dumbfounded.

Because you were the first I thought of.
Because you mean much more to me than you think you do.
Because I want to.

Do you?