Busy

Been busy these days. Friends coming back from abroad, taking over the entire office etc etc. Halfway through my entry, gonna post it up soon. Most prob within the next few days, be patient won't you? Promise it'll be a substantial read. Till then! Toodle loo!

I Think...

Letting people hear what they desire makes them most receptive of what you have to say.

Hmmm. Read this the other day. It perfectly describes human nature.

Ever had a conversation with your friend when he/she is so fed up and no matter what you say, it simply bounces off their skull? And no matter how you try to make them see some sense, it just doesn't work? And that they go on and on shooting down whatever you have to say, even when you and her KNOW that she's in the wrong? It's like L pisses S off, so S goes to talk and complain abt L to M. And at times M can see that S is simply being unreasonable but no matter how M talks to S, S doesn't get anything in. So S goes on raving until M finally says, "You know what? I think L's a complete prick too." Then, poof! All the anger of S seems to disappear and she calms down enuff for M to make her see that there's a possibility that she could be in the wrong too.

Just one sentence, that's all it takes to let S feels that someones understands her and sides with her. It pleases the anger within so much so that what you have to say later on actually gets thru. Everybody wants to feel strongly abt something and thirst to hear another's affirmation with regards to the same issue. The satisfaction of being "right" about something, only to have another reaffirming your feelings can be so satisfying.

So satisfying, we fail to recognise that it's self delusion.

The Delirious Ranting Of Me

I feel my wings are broken in your hands.
I feel the words unspoken inside pull you under.
I’ll give you anything you want, Love.
You’re all I wanted.

Hello, here to rant again. Stuck at home on a chilly Saturday, with no one to hang out with and no one to cuddle up to at home either. Love sucks! Sorry, I meant LIFE sucks. See how much this is getting to me? Okok, maybe I should quit whining, this isn’t going to get any better might as well just get on with it eh? Just grin and bear it…. Hahaha

Basically, the week has been like all others, quiet, un-happening, stale, peaceful, boring. Was looking forward to spending the weekend out but everyone else seems to be busy. Fang’s got a 15 page report, Chengmei’s got tests coming up, Weichan needs to rush her project, Sandra’s not replying my sms, Ming is dying of sleep deprivation, Sam’s going to celebrate her birthday with her clique. Even Sheila’s got a mysterious date.

Speaking of which, it’s driving me crazy, the way she refuses to tell me who it is. I have no idea why, but it irks me like crazy not to know. Been gnawing at me for quite a bit. Why? Why do I feel like this? Told her curiosity kills the cat, satisfaction brings it back, guess what she told me? “Good, I meant to kill that cat.” There! Cold, unfeeling, clinical and to the point. Man, sometimes she can really make me hate her. Haha, Hell hath no fury like a woman’s wrath/scorn. She just proved it to me, again.

ARGH.

And have you any idea what that woman did? I called her to yak and know what she said? “Why don’t you go look for Ivy?” THANKS A LOT! Growls, you really know how to rub me the wrong way ar? Hahaha, never mind, I’m a magnanimous man, you’re forgiven. *Lobs a saucer at Sheila on the sly* shouldn’t even use my good plates on you. Blea! And just in case you want to know, Ivy has church commitments in the afternoon.

DOUBLE ARGH.

Oh well, staying at home is not that bad, for one, I get to save up. Need all the cash, planning something big in a few months time.

Gotta pry it out from her soon. I’m going nuts. (Don’t ask me why)

Oh My! It’s…

Just realized that today’s the twentieth. Have you any idea what that means? Gracie dearest’s flying back from Australia! Yay! Miss her like crazy, gotta catch up with her one of these days. Ok, I’m dying of thirst, will sign off here. Don’t miss me World! I’ll be back.

I'm Not Sick And I Don't Need A Shrink

I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.

Mikey VS Unknown

Back on the topics of dreams again. Had a violent one last night, it's not violent in the sense that you jolt upright all sweaty and gasping for air. It's violent in the sense that there was so much brain numbing violence in it.

I remembered walking around with a guy inside a half completed building, it seems that I was there to look at how things are going on with the renovation. Suddenly, he smashed my head from behind with a flourescent lighting tube. POW! And sparks was flying everywhere. The next thing I know was that i was teetering and tottering all over the place, blinded by my own blood. But there he was, right behind me, mocking at me. Somehow, there seem to be more lighting tubes where ever I turned. One after another, he smashed them into me, against my scalp, against my back, against my temple and against my legs. Wasn't long before I was a mess of glass and blood.

The next thing I know was that my hands closed on a white porcelain ashtray after falling against a table. That's when the sick part comes in. Naturally I turned around trying to defend myself with my new found weapon. The thing was that no matter how hard I swung or lashed out, his head totally eluded me. It seems so beyond reach at that time, I just kept missing my target. The frightening part at that point in time was the sense of dread and panic I felt. I knew I had to do some damage before he kills me, and with each miss I could feel myself getting weaker- from fear or from the effort I took I do not know. I never felt so dasperate in my life, I can feel that I was going to die soon if I couldn't nail the son of a bitch and do some physical damage to him. " Hit him before he kills you!" I keep screaming to myself in my head.

I cried, given up and resigned to the fact that I'm gonna die in the hands of this psycho. A last ditch attempt at a weak flail and a low thud resonated through the building. I've got him. Finally, something surged inside of me and I was onto him. Thuds after thuds rang out as I pounced on him driving the ashtray home. The bloodstains on my body? They seemed to be magically tranferred onto him, disappearing from me and reappearing on him one by one.

Pretty much woke up at this point, the surprising thing was that after such a disturbing and violent dream, I woke up smiling. Was rather spriteful and energetic for the entire day. Wasn't at all drained by it, I cringe now to think that the dream fuelled me for the day. It's like.... I thrived on the negative aura of the dream.

I'm freaked at myself.

Fly

Heard a mandarin song by Celest Chong (the actress/model) today. The lyrics of her song translate loosely into,

I don't know how to fly
And so I walk slow and steady
I don't know how to fly
Yet I've never cease yearning for the sky

For I am sure one day, given time
I'll reach and touch the sky

Somehow, that sounded really nice and inspiring. May be it sounds a lil idealistic, that in this day and age whereby dreams are sacrificed for other pressing needs, that it is still possible to dream. Even the richest brat in the world who has the entire world at his feet and his whole life laid out for him even before he's born dreams. He dreams of freedom and many others that we take for granted. High profilers dreamof the simpler things in life, bottom feeders dream of the finer things in life.

I'm a person to seek comfort in dreaming. Like I always say, a little fantasy (not the erotic kind) never hurts. Guess to me, fantasy brings some solace to our otherwise harsh and pragmatic life.

To some, dreaming has become a sin, seen most of the time as a bad habit, a bane, a waste of precious time. Some even see it as an indication of being immature. How many times have we seen a person being labelled childish when he he or she talks about their dreams? How many of us tend to date members of the opposite sex who are known dreamers? Must dreamers be people incapable of giving the sense of security many people look for in a relationship? How many times have we heard people refusing to consider others as potential relationship partners on the grounds that they are "childish" and that they are "idealistic" and that they "dream too much"?

I shudder to think of life without any dreams.

Death

Death doesn’t solve any problems. Suicide is an irresponsible way to go.

I’m sure all of you out there have heard of the above-mentioned statements. They’re true, every lil bit of them. Why then is suicide so appealing? Especially to the desperate and troubled.

Simple, like what’s written, death doesn’t bring an end to your problems. It just fucking make them other’s. A stiff drink, a large step off a ledge and bye bye world. Somebody else will have to take over and worry about your problems IN ADDITION to his own. But, who cares? You’ve pulled yourself out of the picture. Forever.

Heck, you don’t even have to clean up after yourself. Someone else will have to scrape your remains off the sidewalk.

Hey! I did say it was irresponsible didn’t I?

Yin And Yang
Was sitting up in bed staring at the ceiling when this popped into my head.
Yin is often associated with the subtle, the low down and the chilly. Yang on the other hand, is associated with the blatant, the high profile and the passionate.

Which way of going is more painful? The yin or the yang? Does it hurt more to be burnt to death or to be frozen alive?

Combustion, the ultimate yang. I’m sure we all have been burnt before sometime in our life. Be it by hot water, the iron or even by the sun. Remember how your whole hand jerk away from the hot kettle, that instantaneous, instinctive flick that took barely some nano-seconds to remove your hand away from the heat? Remember how your skin felt so raw and sensitive when the sun burns you? Remember that perpetual tingling; prickly feeling that seems to take forever to go away?

Now can you imagine how will it feel like to be burnt alive? The jerking away part, which I mentioned? Well, wouldn’t it result in your whole body convulsing and twitching involuntarily? The pain would be everywhere as the flames lick your entire body. It’s like sledge hammers pounding down on every single nerve endings in your body. The pain, which starts locally, will soon grow and merge into one huge experience as the flames engulf you. You wouldn’t be able to identify which part of your body is going up in flames, all that you can feel is the pain as you turn into one huge human blister/boil. The pain that the flames bring and the pain that comes as dried up tissues crack and tear apart as your body twitch and convulse violently, will it grow? Is there such a thing as a “small” pain or a “huge” pain? Will it just keep growing until you pass out? Or in this case die. Is it true that your life flashes pass your eyes before you die? Will it happen in this case? Or will the pain just be so traumatic that you wish the end would come faster?

Will the pain go away as your skin and nerves burn away, or will the pain be etched in your brain so that the only and last thing that you remember from living is the pain that life brings?

Now for the yin, how will it be like to freeze to death? Shouldn’t be that painful right? Considering how low temperature numbs everything and shut our body down slowly. The only source of pain I can think of comes from breathing. Fancy that! The only thing can keep us alive normally will cause us so much pain when we freeze. Every one knows that our lungs are made up of fibrous sacs that have lots of little vessels and veins to transport exchange air in and out of our system. Can you imagine the water vapor in our lungs freezing? The ice particles and slush that would have formed inside as a result? Imagine… with each laborious heave of our lungs to breathe, the ice will be cutting into our lungs; the sacs would have burst releasing more blood and fluid to be frozen. Imagine breathing with so much slush and ice inside. The cold temperature will tear the lungs as it heave in and out. Frozen tissue will be forced apart as our lungs expand and contract. Ice will be cutting into the walls and lining. Would be so agonizing as the lungs collapse into a bloody, bruised mass of tissue.

Before you know it, you’ll be drowning and choking in your own blood.

Hello! I’m Mark.

Guys at work are having the time of their life. Quite tragic really, their sense of fun I mean. They have begun to call me Mark instead of Mike, it’s so irritating! No matter how much I try to correct them, they refuse to revert back to Mike. They seem to get such a kick out of calling me mark and pretending not to hear me when I correct them. They seemed so amused by the whole incident. Freakin juvenile!

You guys know that in the first place, mark’s a name that has never sat well with me. *Gives disdainful wave of wrist* Hahaha never get involved with anything Mark-ish, that’s wat I always say.

That’s the NOT only irritating part abt being labeled a mark. It’s the way they pronounced the word. And I thought mike’s already simple and fool proof enough already. You know, one syllabus, no twisting of the tongue required etc etc… No…. they prefer going for a much more challenging mark. And wat happened? They screwed it up naturally. From them, it sounded more like “mach”, without the subtle “rrrrr” sound. Guess it’s too difficult for their simple brains to process and execute. Hahaha. Too complex.

Doubt they can afford speech therapy either. Boy, I’m mean aren’t I?

Sushi with Lalala

Tuesday was payday. YAY!!! Asked her out for dinner at Sakae’s. Food was great! Always is with Sakae. Been quite a while since I last had Jap. Think the last time was San’s bday at the esplanade.

Anyway, had chawanmushi, fried tofu (wasn’t that fantastic, don’t know why she took so many of those), unagi and hotane sushi. Oh! And my favorite sweet bean curd skin sushi! I know it’s not worth the money but what the heck? It’s the simplest things that tastes the bestest

Sheila has a soft spot for the steamed eggs and tofu. She likes them as much as I like salmon roe, shrimp roe and scallops. Peeps I know always comment that roe consumption’s rather cruel. Says that thousands of lives are gone with every mouthful. Hey, do I look even vaguely concerned? Sheesh! Too bad for them. Hahaha that’s the destructive side of mikey speaking!

So walked around a bit after dinner (at Bukit Batok? *rolls eyes*), she was looking at hand phones AND ice cream. (Man, she can still eat?!?!?!) Conversation fodder was the usual- Sheila and her guy problems. Hahaha yep! Just sat around and listened. Anyway, guys with fleshy sagging ear lobes? You can back out of the line already! Hahahha *ducks the hail of stones*

8 Days Every Week!

This week’s 8 days has a page abt palm reading. Well, going by what they say, I’m demonstrative and passionate in love. At the same time, I’m a rather needy and horny person. Cool! It’s very accurate. *winks* Oh, I’m an innovative and happy go lucky person who can be a hopeless romantic at times. Hmmm…..

There’s another page… the weekly horoscope. You won’t believe how freakingly accurate it is. Sheila’s star said that she will be expecting some generosity from her friends, guess wat? I treated her to sushi… Hmmm…. Wonders of the universe.

Mid Autumn Festival

Had guard duty. What a bore! Initially thought that I would have a great view of the moon at Nee Soon. (it’s near Mandai, hence the clear dark skies.) But no…. it had to pour in the evening. Darn clouds blocked out everything. So it was a cold, lonely, unhappening mid autumn. What a disappointment!

Sorry For Not Being Around

Hey yo! Sorry I've not been blogging recently. So many things going on (in my life and in my head), won't be around till this week end again. Promise to write more then. Needa sort some stuff out these days. Will be back soon.

I promise!

Master Of Youself?

The body is but a vessel to the soul
A puppet which bends to the soul’s tyranny.
And Lo, the body is not eternal
For it must feed on the flesh of others
Lest it return to the dust whence it came.
Therefore must the soul deceive, despise and murder Men.

Get Some

Today, during one of the many breaks that peppered my course everyday, the guys decided to talk abt their conquests in bed. What's up with that? Never understood why guys like to compare head counts when it comes to sex? It's definitly more than just a number issue. And what's there to be proud of? So what if you've been getting a lot? So what if you've been getting a lot from so many? Woah, if you think it's an accomplishment that you got so much so easily, I'm sorry for you man. Nothing to be proud of hanging with people who don't treasure themselves. If she can do it with you, trust me, you aren't the only one.

It's people like this that gets all NS guys branded desperate. Please... not everyone's awed by your sexcapades. There's more to life than nookies all right? Don't you guys find it weird at all? Bed talk should be left to the bed room. Period.

Like what Andre says, it's usually people who don't get any that talks about it most. Sorta "self- glorifying" I guess, makes them feel less insecure. You know, the "I'm good at something " feeling. Haha.

I hope you all fucking die of Aids.

Love Is In The Air

Guess what? So many of my friends are getting “involved”. First there’s Sam. Then few days back found out Ming’s also involved with a guy. Just now, Peanut told me abt her little “problem”. Haha. Guess everyone’s getting lucky. Extremely happy for them.

Can’t Get You Out Of My Head

Someone once mentioned that it takes only a minute to get a crush on someone, an hour to like someone, and a day to love someone, but it takes a lifetime to forget someone. Guess that’s very true. Think that when you get to know someone, you sorta give away a piece of your heart to them. And when you fall in love with her, you give an even bigger piece away. It’s something you give and never take back. That’s why it’s so hard to let go of a relationship. You tell yourself that it’s over and there’s no feeling left. That’s just bullshit. Nobody can let go totally, all those shit abt how when you like someone else she’s the only one on your mind? Those are lines straight out of a soap opera. It’s IMPOSSIBLE. I’ll admit it, I still think of Ivy every now and then. I know it’s futile, wrong even. But I still do it. Just can’t help it. It’s almost natural, guess that’s what happened when you give away a part of you.

It’s like… She’s living in you.