Somebody help.

Hello there. Missed me? I’m sure I missed you. How’s life? Sorry I haven’t been around much. First the stock take in camp totally drained me. Nope, it’s not physically straining. It’s just too much of senseless mundane counting of stuff. It’s so dreary that life and cheerfulness just gets sapped out of you. Secondly, I don’t have the mood to blog, the novelty hasn’t run out yet, it’s just that I’m too preoccupied with something. It’s been fleeting across my mind every so often daily that I don’t have time to think about anything else.
(Man on the moon by REM plays in the background)

Yup, so what are you thinking about? Well remember that I wrote sometime back that I’m having a recurring dream? I shall try to describe it in as much detail as I can….
Erm it takes place in a living room, most probably mine in the future. Everything’s white but not homogeneously white, there’re different shades of whites, all of which I don’t know the names to. Anyway I digress, yes it’s a white room, soothingly white, not the glary kind of white, and the sofa faces the window. It’s the kind of glass panel windows, which starts from the floor and goes all the way up to the ceiling. There a large white porcelain urn to the left of the window, it’s a round huge one big enough for one to sit in it, reaches up to the waist if you stand next to it. In it was some Japanese white willow. To the right of the window, there’re three smaller terracotta white urns with black goldfish inside (they’re the only black things around) oh and the window? It’s huge. Basically, take out a wall of your apartment and replace concrete for glass. Yup, those kind of windows, floor to ceiling and wall-to-wall. So facing all these, we have a white sofa too. That’s all with the setting.
Next, there’s me and someone else on the sofa. We’re both in white turtlenecks and yoga linen pants. Each of us has a white mug of some warm drink and we’re just sitting together, drinking and watching the downpour outside. It’s rather intimate, like I’ll sit like how everyone will on a sofa, and she’ll sit perpendicular to me, on me, drawing up her legs such that she can hug them. And I was just holding her and we’re both just sipping our drink, being warm, cozy, cuddly while watching the downpour outside, it was pure bliss.
So almost every day I’ll have this dream and before you guys starts sniggering and trying to guess who the other party is, well, here’s the haunting part.

She doesn’t have a face.

Relax, it’s not those typical Chinese b grade ghost story whereby a gal turns around and you see a blank in the place of a face. Wat I meant is that, I do not recognize who the hell she is! She is very pretty and that’s all I remember. Every time I try to “grasp” her looks, they simply delude me. It’s almost…. Indescribable. I’ll have this dream so often and every time I get to the point whereby I tell myself “Try to get a good long look at her and remember her face”, this sense of warm just washes over and you feel so blissful that it just doesn’t matter who she is at that point in time.
Yup, so I’ve been having a lot of this dream, it’s not a naughty fantasy. On one hand, it feels so blissful and I feel so loved in it. On the other, it’s haunting and I’ve become so obsessed in trying to pin a name of someone I know to that intangible face. But to no avail, I ran a mental list of every one I know since my memory served me. Zilch.

She looks normal, she looks divine, but who is she?

Hey... Bought a new game. "Alice", it's a morbid version of Alice In Wonderland. She walks around with a huge knife. Not really in the mood to blog. Plagued by some recurring dreams. Need to get them out of my system first.

"Englishman In New York" By Sting plays in the background

Haiz. Go download this song. My dearest lit teacher Miss D introed this song to my first three month class. Suddenly I miss her and her lessons. It's a great song. Will have to go back see her soon. Misses her terribly.

Oh How I Love You So

Relax, it’s not abt me. Aww. Did I disappoint you? Hahaha went out with Chengmei yesterday. Guess what we saw? There’s this couple on the train… Well, let’s just say they are almost attached at the hips. You should see how the gal was hugging the guy. Yes, the guy’s big and maybe even “cuddly” but do you have to be so over him? In public? Right in the middle of a train carriage? In front of the door? Where everyone has to squeeze past you? Hahahah. Hey, I mean it’s real sweet that you two are so in lurve but sheesh, you don’t have to make me feel bad and inadequate right? Hahaha Really man, she was literally “clamoring” ALL over him. Never know you can hug someone in so many ways. Quite educating.

Charlie’s Angels

Yup finally saw the movie! Yay! It’s great! Brainless and bimbotic but who cares? It’s great entertainment! (Can’t Touch This by Mc Hammer plays in the background) Hahahah. Hmmm. The mechanical bull part was rather bleah. Hilarious but bleah… Wat’s up with that? Cameron was sexy but that scene was rather out of place. And the expression she had when she tripped over the couch and got straight back up? It just struck me as that of an over zealous sex kitten. Too typical dumb blonde feel to her role. There was a general “Matrix” feel in the show too, with all those freeze frames and delay frames. Know wat I feel is the sexiest part? The scene whereby the Angels pull off their gloves with their teeth. Hubba hubba. *Drools* Man oh man. You can shut me in a room with Lucy Liu and her whip any day man. Hahahaha, okok I’ll stop before I’ll have to take a cold shower. But honestly, that whip can be quite entertaining in the bedroom *grins* such a turn on. Ahahahha Shall put it on my wish list. *Grins deviously*

Finally, I’ve Got Me Book.

Went far east yesterday with Chengmei. Got one of two books. “Through A Glass Darkly” by Jostein Gaarder. Yup, I’ll let you in on how it is soon ok? My next target’s “Mister God, This Is Anna” by Anna Fyn. After that I’ll try to track down a copy of Arabian Nights with ALL the stories. Think it’ll be hard to find. Only a few stories are common knowledge among people, like “Ali Baba”, “Sinbad” and “Aladdin”. I shall read up on all of them if I can find them. So exciting.

*the following posts were supposed to be out on wednesday, blogger was down then.*
Tramp

Saw the TV advertisement for Jewel’s new album. They ran some clips from her song “Intuition”, my goodness! She looks like a tramp! What’s up with the negligee top? Gawd, sheesh… it looks horrid on her. Not sexy at all.

Michael Buble

Hmmm someone else mentioned that he has a great voice today. That’s like the second recommendation in 24 hours. Think I shall go listen for myself. What’s the hype about his singing? Haha I shall see… hold on world.

Charlie’s Angels

Yes, finally I’m going to catch it tml, Lucy liu!!! Hubba hubba hubba! Spank me, baby! Ooopps, sorry guess I got too excited. Yup, I’m watching it with a friend whom I’ve not met for three years now. Yup, hahaha. Great that I’ve finally tracked her down. If you think benedict and yifang are full of shit, wait till you meet her. Unsurpassed in her hey days. Hahaha. Hope I can still recognize her in the crowd tml.

Embassy Or Not

Been wanting to try clubbing for a while now. Initially, this Saturday was to be my virgin trip. But I’m seriously having second thoughts now. Yes I know I agreed, Liyi, but every other person seems to be going. Peeps from Ntu, Nus, Pioneer Jc and Ac Jc are going to be there. Man it’s gonna be crowded. Even the “veterans” are saying it sounds too packed. (The picture of someone bobbling up and down in a fixed square comes into my mind immediately) Hope it doesn’t get THAT packed. Suddenly it doesn’t seem so enticing anymore. How oh how? Should I go? Hmmm decisions decisions decisions.

Ouch, There Goes My Money

Hey you know how they always say the government spends loads of taxpayers’ money on defense? Well, today I touched an ordinary looking wrench that costs S$412,000. Oh man… And there were three of them. And they all looked as though you can buy them off the shelves of any hardware store. Sheesh, and we only get S$350 monthly as allowance. What’s up with that?!?!?

Oh No. Help!

Sandra’s birthday’s coming! What should I get her? Headache… Soft toys again? I think she got enough of those from me… hmmm.. How?

Harry Potter Number Five

Hey anyone out there who’s done with the book? Lend me? Please? *gives my best endearing Bambi eyes* I would really hate to have to buy it cause I don’t own the first four. Though I’ve read them and they are quite good…. Anyway I digress. I’m willing to loan you my “Sophie’s World” by Jostein Gaarder, “Bell Jar” by Sylvia Plath, a collection of Edgar Allen Poe’s short stories or “The Picture Of Dorian Gray” by Oscar Wilde…. Wait… forget the last book, it’s not for loan… Yup! So any takers?

Interesting Blog

Yay! Yesterday somebody complimented me for my blog. Thanks Chengmei! Hahaha don’t worry about not understanding some parts of what I wrote, you’ll catch on to my incoherent ranting soon enough! Yay, that made my day! *grins*

I Need My Ranks

Yup, they’ve got to promote me soon man. I’m perpetually on a shoestring budget. Yes, though it’s possible to live on a monthly allowance of S$350, I really want more man. Let’s just say I prefer working with some slack and surplus ok? Paying off transport, bills and insurance on your own doesn’t leave you with a lot to play around with. You’ll have to plan right down to the littlest detail. It’s tiring. Hope I can earn my stripes soon.

No, I Do NOT Intend To Woo You
Wat’s this with people asking me if I’m trying to go after them? It’s like the second time this month already! Can’t a guy be plain nice? I don’t know, people complain when you’re mean to them and they get all panicky when you’re nice to them. What’s up with that? Wat’s a guy like me supposed to do? Hey those who know me know that I can be merciless with my tongue and a real meanie at times. And they can also testify to how sweet I can be.

Don’t really blame the two though; guess it’s how differently we gauge the extent of a relationship. Guess my benchmark is different, that’s why. Here’s how I go, isit different from you?
1. I think it is perfectly normal and alright for a guy to see a gal very often (up to every weekends or more) without being gal/guy friends in the romantic sense. (What? You’re trying to tell me members of the opposite sex can’t hang out together? Sheesh which century are you from?)
2. When a guy is nice and asks you out repeatedly, it DOESN”T mean he’s trying to hit on you. (Well maybe) but it COULD mean he’s plain bored right?
3. And what’s this crap about being “steady” friends before dating and seeing each other? Haven’t you heard that “ the only constant is the variable.” The only consistent thing in our world is changes, oxymoron as it may sound but it’s true. Yup, and if you don’t use dates to get to know each other better, watt’s the point of progressing further than friends?
4. In this day and age, the concept of labeling/branding (depends on how you look at it) each other as MY GIRLFRIEND/BOYFRIEND seems so obsolete, at least to me it is. Is there really such a need? Commitment and responsibility to each other goes beyond just a tangible status of the relationship. If he/she really wants to go, shackles and chains will not refrain him/her from doing so.
5. Lastly, being attracted to someone does NOT mean falling hopelessly in love with someone. I can be attracted to you but it does not mean I’m going to go after you ok? Please…

Yup, so I’m just being plain nice ok? Don’t think too much into it, it’ll only stress you and me out. Please, it is possible for guys and girls to have strictly platonic relationships. You can be my brother and I’ll be your sister ok? (Stop giggling Sheila if you’re reading this) And, NO. I wasn’t referring to Sheila; she’s my brother ok? Argh…. There!

Ok. Just to help you further, I’ll give you MORE indicators. When I like some one in the romantic sense,
1. I will not tease you, make fun of you, joke and chat with you. I’ll be so awkward and uneasy.
2. I will clamp up, go quiet, start stuttering and starts mumbling.
3. I’ll mince my words.
4. I’ll just grin at you for no apparent reasons.
(Now don’t you start, Sheila, if you’re reading this, it’s not funny)

There! Happy? Now you can rest easy. Sheesh! Really…

Class Dinner

Yo peeps, I'm back. Guess what? I officially declare the class dinner at Fish and Co last night a success! (Just the dinner though, after dinner plans were pathetic) Twenty people turned up! You should see the guy's face. Everyone was like going, "table for two." I was the only guy who went, "table for twenty?" You should've see how his jaw dropped. Don't blame him; it's super peak hours. Haha he's been most helpful!

Yay! Haha, so good to see Mrs and Mr Tee again after so long. And managed to catch up a bit with peeps like peifang and siewli too. Haha everybody's looking good! Ben turned up in a bandanna. Hahaha, I had Wrasse fillet in tangy sauce and a Deep Sea cocktail. I warned the peeps around me against starting the "fish are friends, not food" crap. Sam couldn't resist the temptation and got a tequila sunrise. Her face turned so rosy, just like the sunrise. Hahah. Ok lame..

Took photos outside after dinner. Remembered how I carried grace at prom? This time I carried Aaron. Man, he's light. Hahaha Then the bunch of us just stood there in the drizzle, TRYING to make up our mind as to where to go next. Cold..

Alleybar

I FINALLY FOUND ALLEYBAR! Yay! Yup, been wanting to there for a while already, finally went in last night. It's such a lovely place! Simply divine. So aptly named. The longish layout and design does make it seem as though it's been built into an alley. Too bad they din have seats for the group. So didn't stay, such a disappointment. Nevermind though, I'll be back!

Walked past Milieu, guess whom did we saw there? Miss Chew! Hahaha. In case you're wondering who's that? It's Christine (been getting on her nerves recently calling her Miss Chew). Yup, think she was waiting for he friends outside. Rag party I think. Hmmm. When we left the place, there's so many of them outside trying to sell tix. Not wanting to be rude here but some of us in the group (me, ming and ecr) felt that it's tottering on the edge of touting. Not a very good impression.

Hey Miss Chew, you promised to drop by Fish and Co! Hmph! *growls* Hahaha it's ok, you were missed though.

Template Problem

Yup, I've decided against the gothic looking one. It's lovely, but somehow the date turns out funny and my entry gets truncated at weird places. Will see how. Will stick with this plain one first! Meanwhile I need help with the tag board and links. Err... Some body? Help?

Pet

Thinking of getting a tree snake as a pet. Hmmmm...

Testing...

Confessions

Guess what? I have a confession to make… Two days back, I bought something I’ve never bought before… I actually went ahead and bought a copy of July’s FHM, the one featuring Irin Gan. Haha, yup never bought FHM before cause I’ve always thought it to be a trashy mag. It is…. Just that now I think it’s a trashy JUICY mag. Haha… Don’t bother asking why I bought it… Can’t explain myself…. Impulse buying? Haha. Ssssshhhh….

Malaysia Attacked Singapore Today

Guess what happened on Tuesday? I fell down from my double decker bed in bunk. (okok give you guys ten mins to luff it out) It would have been hilarious if not for the fact that I grazed myself real badly in the underarm region. How bad was the graze? Erm, I could pick visible pieces of skin off the open cupboard door, which I crashed into. You should see the faces of the entire bunk, which I so unceremoniously woke up… Someone actually thought Malaysia bombed us. *grins*

God Bless Their Soul

Was tuning in to Class 95, topic of discussion was “Homosexual relationships and your views on them.”
It was the usual right and wrong blah blah blah until one of the dj asked the Flying Dutchman if he would ever disown his children if they told him they’re homosexual. He said he’ll never disown them but he’ll “send them for counseling and if that doesn’t work, then may the Lord bless their souls.”
Those words of his set me back thinking, it is quite blatant that FD is a Christian and….. I mean, let’s put it this way, God created us in his image. And there’s all these teaching abt how homosexual relationships are unholy in God’s eyes… Hmmm din he created us in the first place? Especially for the people with genetic defects which makes them homosexual instead of heterosexual. Did he created them likewise so that their soul will burn in hell? Kinda creepy isn’t it? Sorta being damned straight from birth. I’m confused… That’s why I’ve prefer the Nature VS Nurture way of explaining stuff, it makes more sense, less contradictions.
Hmmm… I’ll think on it more and update this entry soon.

Pay Day

Yay! Tomorrow’s payday. Yes! Yes! Yes! Finally I can get two books I’ve been eyeing. “Through the glass, darkly” by Jostein Gaarder and “Mister God, this is Anna” Yes! *excited* Haha meeting the class for dinner this Saturday, guess wat? MISS TAN”S COMING TOO!!!! Haha I know it’ll be fun! Looking forward to that and my books.

Random Thoughts

Tried on Davidoff’s Echo the other day when I went shopping with Cheng Mei. Smells…. Divine! Am absolutely going to get that.
I’m going to Embassy on the 19th (most probably). It’s going to be my virgin clubbing experience hahaha (give you guys five more minutes to luff AT me, told you I’m a boring guy..) Looking forward to that too.
Check out Yngwie Malmsteen’s “Blackstar” and Beastie Boy’s “In a world gone mad”. Superb.

Food For Thought

“Power is…. Holding someone else’s fear in your hands and showing it to them”
Hmmm…

To Tag Or Not To Tag
Hmmm, the blogs i go to have tagboards. Should i add one? Personally i feel that tags influences the way you write. NO MATTER how you say it doesn't and your writing is still true to your nature at the end of the day. It does... Really.. i mean look at it this way, we response to everything around us. Should we get bad remarks on our tags, we'll tend to modify our phrasing and diction without knowing it. That ultimately defeats the purpose of a blog doesn't it? Why do we blog? To come up with a packaged sugar coated length of words which appeals to everyone? Or to splash what you feel and whatever you want to unload at the end of the day?

On the other hand, people are entitled to their opinions. By NOT providing them with a way to get back to you and express their thoughts on your writing. It does sounds rather irresponsible and selfish. Somehow, i'll be forcing my views onto others without a chance for them to refute me. I hate being forced to do anything... no no i stand corrected. I LOATHE being forced to do anything. Know how you feel when you do something totally against your will, and there's inner tantrum inside you? Sorta in Lilo and Stitch when Lilo slams her head into a pillow and scream? The feeling of wanting to destroy/rip stuff to smithereens inside while forcing yourself to be composed outside for show? Yup, that's how i feel everytime when someone forces their view on me AND leaving me no opportunity to speak my mind....

Ok, I'll tag. Only fair i guess...

Channel Surfing
Was surfing through the channels just now when i heard this,
"Over concern for someone will only causes him/her unduly amount of stress. You'll stifle him and rid him of his own space and he'll just grow dreary AND weary of you. You're making him lead your life. Are you so selfish in your love? Do you love him or do you want to own him"
(some impact of the speech might have been lost in my translation from mandarin to english)

Hmmm i was stumped after hearing that. It sounds so personal. Where do we draw the line between concern and control? It's not easy, never has been. Especially when you care so much for a person that you fear that the worst possible things are just waiting to happen to them around every corner. Worse, that person does know you care so much. Some times you can't help it. You tell yourself not to put so much of yourself into it but the concern just wells up at the snap of a finger, it's almost like second nature already. Tragedy of all tragedy, you can't tell her that you feel so, though both of you know that you feel so.
Just that because you've never told her explicitly you feel so, both pretend that each other don't know you feel so and pretend nothing's happened. Confusing huh? That's wat i am.... Confused.

Love and be silent? or Love and be heard?

I have always believed in love and be silent... but it's so draining... you gave so much to another left so little for yourself. Will you have anymore to give another? Yet you keep giving cause you know it's real. How do you know? Cause you keep giving even though you are aware it's getting nowhere. You can't help it even though you know only you know.

Hmm. Two days back. Was on the way back to camp when i saw this lady in the train. She was one of the female recruit from Pegasus company. Same as Lucas! Heard she made it to SISPEC too! Anyway, she was with her boyfriend (i think). Both of them were so sweet! Hahah, I don't know how to put it across... Maybe the fact that she looks more "masculine" than other females give people the first impression that she is incapable of heterosexual relationships. It hurts but it's true. People do judge by looks and tend to stereotype others at the first glance. I'll admit right now. I'm guilty of doing that... especially in this case.

I mean, i've seen her around Tekong. And she's always so Gung-ho looking. Everyone's saying she's not straight, blah blah blah. Well, She is! Well, they were just there standing and talking, you aren't supposed to have PDA (public display of affection) in uniforms and the two of them were just whispering and whispering to each other. And the whole while they were grinning from ear to ear at each other. Somehow, that was real ........ Sweet? Anyway, she started scratching his forearm for him and i was like totally "AWWWWW". Damn, now i feel real bad, I know i'm a total stranger and i haven't done any harm to them. But some how.... somehow... i feel guilty for being so unkind to even think of her as "not straight". I'm sorry. I was rude.

Alright, here goes nothing. Read so many lovely blogs, guess it's now my turn to TRY coming up with one of my own.